By Jess Moore, LPCC-S
Do you ever get to the end of a truly exhausting day, having worked 10 plus hours, taken the kids back and forth to practices, cooked dinner, made an attempt to straighten up the house and FINALLY gotten to bedtime and then, instead of falling blissfully asleep, you stay awake on your phone or watching TV or doing something (for yourself finally!) until the wee hours of the morning? If this describes your experience, you have engaged in what is known as revenge bedtime procrastination. Revenge bedtime procrastination is “the act of going to bed later than intended while no external circumstances are accountable for doing so” — that is, choosing to delay bedtime without a practical reason for this delay.”[1] Starkman defines it as “getting ‘revenge’ for your busy daytime schedule by fitting in leisure time at the expense of shut-eye.”[2]
So why do people choose to delay their bedtime even when they are tired? A Netherlands study done by Kamhorst and peers in 2018, found that “the more a person had to ‘resist desires’ during the rest of their day, the more likely they would be a bedtime procrastinator.”[3] This means that the more someone has to delay doing the things they want to do for the things they have to do, the more likely they are to experience revenge bedtime procrastination. In a very real sense, it is an act of reclaiming, or revenging, the time “lost” for pleasurable activities during one’s day. It could even be seen as an act of rebellion against having to do things and putting off those things we want to do. If you add in the fact that the world is living through an active and very real pandemic with Covid 19, sending many of us home to work, the lines of work and play are blurred. In many instances, this blurring of work and play lines causes more work where before, one could “leave work at work” and come home to do the things one desired to do.
So who is more likely to suffer from revenge bedtime procrastination? Cohut points out that females are twice as likely to procrastinate bedtime than males.[4]There also appears to be an age gap, with younger Millenials and Generation Z-ers being more likely to engage in this behavior. This makes sense when you factor in that women are more likely to be caring for children and the home than their husbands. Millenials and Gen Z-ers are known for pushing against established organizational structures and so would struggle with their time having to be spent on what they have to do versus what they want to spend their time doing. These are generalizations though and do break down in some cases. In some cases, single dads who work, care for the home, care for children, and all of the other things that go into living also engage in revenge bedtime procrastination. Anyone is susceptible to this phenomenon.
So why is revenge bedtime procrastination a problem? It is not difficult to find studies that have found that good sleep is essential to functioning well as a human being. As Cohut states, “Researchers have tied sleep not just to our ability to focus on work and being productive but also to mood regulation, weight gain, cardiovascular health, and inflammation, among others. Sleep deprivation, reduced decision-making capacities, and challenges with [cognitive performance] are all potential negative effects of sleep procrastination.”[1] A good night’s sleep helps one think more clearly, have a higher frustration tolerance, and make better decisions the following day. When one is “revenging their time” and so not going to bed at a decent hour, these basic areas of functioning suffer as a result.
So what are some ways we can manage our desire to “revenge our day” by staying up too late and delaying going to bed? The following are some simple yet effective tips:
1) Give yourself a “lights out” time and STICK TO IT! Turn off your phone, ipad, or other device at an hour that will allow you to get good sleep and refuse to pick it back up. Close the book and turn off the TV and make them off limits after your set lights out time.
2) Be mindful of doing at least one thing a day for yourself and don’t wait until bedtime to do it. Take a walk at lunch. Watch one episode of your favorite show. Go out to eat with a friend. Go work out at the gym in the morning before work. Do something, at least one thing, that is just for you each day.
3) Journal all of your thoughts before your lights off time in an effort to get everything that is on your mind out of your mind and down on paper. Some call this “downloading” and it works for those of us who struggle with falling asleep due to racing thoughts about upcoming events of the next day or week.
4) Protect your sleep zone. Don’t lay in bed until you are ready to go to sleep. Don’t dual-purpose your bed in an effort to let it be the place you go to just to sleep. Don’t work from bed or answer emails from bed. Also make sure your environment is dark and dry, as humans sleep better in this type of environment. Protect your sleep zone!
Revenge bedtime procrastination is a real issue and many of us struggle with it. Recognizing that you do this to yourself is the first step to changing. It’s time to revenge your sleep!
[1] Cohut, M. (2021, March 19). Revenge bedtime procrastination: A plight of our times? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/revenge-bedtime-procrastination-a-plight-of-our-times
[1] Cohut, M. (2021, March 19). Revenge bedtime procrastination: A plight of our times? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/revenge-bedtime-procrastination-a-plight-of-our-times
[2] Starkman, E. (2021). What is revenge bedtime procrastination? WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/revenge-bedtime-procrastination
[3] Kamphorst, B, et. Al. (2018), March 14). To depleted to turn in: The relevance of end-of-the-day resource depletion for reducing bedtime procrastination. Fontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00252/full
[4] Cohut, M. (2021, March 19). Revenge bedtime procrastination: A plight of our times? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/revenge-bedtime-procrastination-a-plight-of-our-times